Moms & Daughters in the Exam Room
Periodically, I like to revisit the interactions between mothers and their daughters that I witness in the exam room.
After all, there are a lot of new mothers and new daughters since I wrote my last column on the subject.
The age of the daughter, like most things in pediatrics, often determines what happens in the mother-daughter relationship.
For example, infant daughters are very dependent on their mothers for transportation from their carrier or stroller to the exam table.
They must be undressed and dressed by them. The mothers must speak entirely for them when telling me how things are going with them.
By toddlerhood, mothers still speak for their daughters but must also help catch them when they saunter off. If the toddler fusses about being examined, Mom usually solves this issue through a combination of coaxing and lap-holding.
By the time girls are preschoolers, they will usually carry on a conversation with me. This is often about their health concerns, but not always.
Mothers at this point will often redirect their daughters, correct any information that is inaccurate and give additional medical history.
I have noticed that what I call “the IQ drop” in a mother’s intelligence usually happens when a daughter becomes 6 or 7 years old. Suddenly, the child starts interrupting the mother’s telling of her health history to correct it.
Though shocking for some mothers, this can be a positive sign that the daughter is becoming more concerned with her own health and cares about what is true and accurate.
During puberty, the hormones that make girls into women start to instill a desire for more independence in daughters.
There may be many mother-daughter disagreements (even about health issues). I am often fascinated watching a daughter’s eyes roll while her mother is talking (and vice versa).
Finding a consensus as to what is going on with the patient becomes trickier: sometimes restating what happened in my own words can help both parties agree.
Occasionally, an adolescent girl may want to discuss something without her mother present.
Her mother may feel left out, but this is part of the pathway toward the daughter being able to make health decisions independently.
Once a daughter is 18, she may come see us by herself as a legal adult. She may (and often will) still bring her mother with her.